


Mummy

by SeraBee



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraBee/pseuds/SeraBee
Summary: Johnny calls Charity ‘mummy’ for the first time.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 3
Kudos: 145





	1. Chapter 1

The first time he says it, she tells herself that he must have gotten confused, forgotten momentarily that he was with her and not Ness. She had been pushing him on the swing, keeping one eye on Moses as he climbed up the slide and jumped off the steps. She had contemplated yelling at him, but decided against it. He was having fun and to be honest, she kind of understood his logic. He’d been sliding the right way down slides for most of his life and must be bored of it by now. Sometimes you just have to try doing things a little differently to liven things up. 

She laughs to herself, remembering that that had been exactly what she had been thinking the night she had first kissed Vanessa in the cellar. Like mother, like son. 

Lost in her thoughts temporarily, she must have slacked off in the swing pushing department because Johnny is suddenly shouting at her to “push more!” He loves the swings. Loves pretending he’s a super hero, flying around looking for cats to rescue from trees. It was Noah and his Marvel obsession that was to blame for it of course. Johnny idolised the teenager and therefore loved everything that Noah loved, from football to comic books to super heroes.

”Super Johnny to the rescue!” Charity calls out as she gives him an extra big push. He squeals in delight and giggles as he soars into the air. 

Looking at her watch, Charity realises they’ve been at the park for over an hour. Ness had been tired and Charity could tell that the looming operation was playing on her mind. Being around the little ones was tough for her too because they still didn’t know. Ness was trying to act normal around them, masking her pain when they climbed up into her lap, little knee caps pressed into her increasingly sensitive stomach. Charity had offered to get them out of her hair for a bit, leaving her in the capable hands of Noah and Sarah who had promised not to let her use the child-free time cleaning and tidying.

It was hard, figuring out the right thing to do, the most helpful thing to do. Being supportive had never come naturally to her and to be honest, it had never really occurred to her before Vanessa to even try. After all, what was it Marlon had said? That she was the same, disgusting sack of selfishness that she had always been? His words had stung because there was a lot of truth to them. Looking out for number one had been her top priority for most of her life and looking back, she felt ashamed at some of the things she had done. 

But the next day, when he had said he pitied Vanessa. Pitied her because she still had no idea who Charity really was, she had had to bite her tongue. Because Vanessa knew exactly who she was. If she hadn’t at first, then the casino scam and Graham’s money had certainly gone some way to enlightening her. But unlike every other person in her life, Vanessa had seen her true colours and stayed. Not because she approved of what Charity had done, but because she knew why Charity had done it and loved her anyway. 

“Penny for them?”

Startled, Charity spins around and finds Chas smiling at her, pushing Eve back and forth in the buggy. 

“Thought you were working today?” Charity asked, purposefully ignoring Chas’ question. To her credit, Chas doesn’t push it. She knows her cousin well enough to know that deep and meaningful chats are not really her preferred method of coping with things.

”Oh, I was, but this little madam is teething and Mandy insisted we both get some fresh air. Said the crying was scaring off the customers.”

Charity rolls her eyes and takes a few steps away from the swing to peer into the buggy.

"Looks like the fresh air is doing the trick," she observes, as a tired Eve fights to keep her eyes open.

"Meanwhile, I'm running on about two hours sleep. Don't suppose you fancy joining me at the cafe for a coffee?" 

Deciding that a drink at the cafe will mean more time for Ness to relax, she nods.

"Right, come on boys, who want's one of Brenda's milkshakes?"

The boys charge over at the mention of milkshakes. Moses grabs her arm, jumping up and down.

"Yes please! Can I have chocolate mummy?" 

"Oh, I suppose so, monkey, what about you Johnny?"

Sliding himself carefully off the swing, Johnny joins his brother and grabs hold of Charity's remaining, free arm.

"I want banana mummy," he insists, beginning to tug her in the direction of the cafe, nothing but banana milkshake on his mind.

Charity looks at Chas with wide eyes. In the two years that she has been in Johnny's life, he has had a few names for her. At first she had been 'Chatty' - his 2 year old speech, not quite mastering that extra syllable. Eventually, at three, he had mastered her name but had then taken to adding to it. She had been 'silly Charity', 'funny Charity' and 'daft Charity' to name but a few. But he had never called her mum, or mummy, not even by accident. Not until now. She had known it might happen someday. The kid had never really known his real dad and Charity had been in his life for long enough now that she considered him hers regardless of the fact that biology and the law didn't agree. Still, when she and Ness and touched on the subject briefly, they'd both decided against ever forcing any of the kids to refer to the other woman as mum.

"He must have forgotten Ness isn't here," Charity mumbles in Chas' direction, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks at the sight of Chas' soft smile and glistening eyes. She certainly didn't need her annoyingly maternal cousin getting all soppy on her, especially if it was a simple mistake. 

As the five of them made their way over to the café, Charity found herself smiling. Moses kept running ahead, frustrated that everyone else was walking so slowly, but Johnny held her hand tight, looking up at her for reassurance every few steps. Since the whole Pierce saga, he had been clingier. He was too little to really explain it in words, but everyone had noticed the changes in him. It was as if he had to be close to one of them at all times, in case he was suddenly taken away again. He’d never been the kind of kid to go talking to strangers either, but now he would actively hide behind Vanessa or Charity’s legs if someone he didn’t know very well stopped to chat. 

The café was warm and surprisingly empty for a Thursday afternoon. 

“You guys sit,” Charity said, pointing towards the couches on their right as they entered. “I’ll order the drinks. What are you having?”

Chas parked up the pram and began leading Johnny and Moses to the couch. Johnny was reluctant to let go of Charity’s hand.

“It’s okay little man,” she reassured him, lowering herself to his level. “Aunty Chas will sit with you and I’m just going over there to ask Brenda for your milkshake,”

Nodding thoughtfully, Johnny eventually allowed Chas to lead him away from Charity as she requested a double shot skinny latte. 

After placing the order and asking Brenda to bring them over when they were ready, Charity joined the boys on the couch whilst Chas took one of the chairs opposite. Johnny immediately climbed onto her lap, burying his face into her chest and twisting his hand into the fabric of her blouse. Moses, on the other hand, was trying to read the menu, even though it was upside down.

“So how’s Vanessa today?” Chas asked carefully, her eyes watching Charity’s face intently. 

Charity sighed. She had been relieved when Vanessa had agreed to tell Rhona, Paddy and Chas – especially Paddy considering she was about to need quite a lot of time off work. It also meant that she no longer had to worry about keeping secrets – something she’d thought she’d never have to do again after Lisa. But she was also beginning to understand why Vanessa had been reluctant to let people know. Suddenly, the cancer was all anyone wanted to talk about. And Charity knew that it was important. It was all that she herself could think about if she was being totally honest – but she also felt the need to protect Vanessa – to make sure people understood that the cancer wasn’t all she was.

Still, Chas was different. She wasn’t just family. She was probably the only family Charity trusted beyond Ness and the kids. 

“She’s okay. Just a bit sleepy isn’t she boys? So we’re letting her nap while we have a Moses, Johnny and Charity day.”

Charity raises her eyebrows to Chas, cocking her head slightly to Moses whose big ears and spongy brain have made it impossible to keep secrets lately. Thankfully, Chas seems to understand and changes the subject, filling Charity in on Eve’s current sleeping habits and feeding schedule. They are in the middle of a particularly fascinating conversation about nipple creams when she feels Johnny’s hand reach up and tap her on the cheek. 

“What is it Johnnybobs? Do you need the toilet?”

He shakes his head, no. 

“Do you want something to eat?”

He nods, smiling and pointing at the various cakes and pastries on Brenda’s counter. Fishing in her pockets for some spare change, Charity hands Moses and Johnny a pound each and tells them to ask Brenda for a cake.

“Don’t forget to say please and thank you, boys!” she reminds them as they stride proudly towards the counter, holding onto their coins as tightly as if they were £50 notes. With one eye on the boys, she takes the opportunity of them being temporarily out of earshot to give Chas a more honest answer to her earlier question.

“Vanessa’s okay, but I don’t know how much of that is her pretending to be okay. I’m worried she’s trying to hide it from me.”

Chas sighs and smiles sympathetically.

“It’s like I said to you last week. Vanessa is tough. She’s the one who has always looked after everyone else isn’t she? I bet it’s not easy for her to let other people take care of her for a change.”

Charity nods. She knows it’s true. Vanessa’s kindness and quiet strength was one of the things she loved most about her fiancée. It had been hard for her to open up after Frank had died, but she had eventually. Before that, it had always been Vanessa looking after Charity. Even after getting stabbed, she hadn’t wanted to sit around and let Charity wait on her hand and foot, no matter how much Charity had wanted to. She’d pushed herself to get on with things instead.

“I just don’t know what to do. I want to help her. I want to be what she needs, but how can I do that if she doesn’t let me in?”

“You just have to be patient,” Chas suggests. “She probably doesn’t know what to do with herself most of the time, let alone know what she wants other people to do. Just be there and don’t take it personally if she takes stuff out on you. When I was having Grace, and even after she died, I took so much out on Paddy, but it was because I knew he loved me and that he would take it. That he wouldn’t walk away.”

“I can’t walk away Chas. I thought I wanted to when she first told me, but I don’t think I could even if I tried.”

She wants to say more. Wants to try and put into words the terrifying fear she has of losing Vanessa, of knowing that if Vanessa were to die, that a huge part of her would just curl up and die right along with her. But saying those words out loud might somehow make them true. 

Instead, she offers up a small smile and watches as the boys make their way back to the table holding two muffins each.

“Brenda says one is for you and one is for Ness,” Moses informs her.

Charity looks up and sees that sympathetic look on Brenda’s face that Vanessa had dreaded. She bites her tongue, fighting back the urge to make a snarky comment about Brenda sticking her nose into everyone’s business. After all, Brenda had been through a similar experience herself. Charity’s sure that she means well so she smiles and moths a thank you to the cafe owner.

Moses settles himself back down on the couch and wastes no time starting to devour his muffin, setting his spare one on the couch between him and Charity. 

“Mine’s for Ness,” he explains with a mouth full of muffin.

Johnny simply stands in front of her and holds out one of the muffins for her to take. 

“You can have mine mummy,” he whispers. 

The second time he says it, Charity feels her heart skip a beat and swell in her chest. Holding out her arms, she lifts Johnny into her arms and hugs him tightly. 

“You know you don’t have to call me mummy Johnny,” she whispers into his ear. “You can still call me Charity if you want to.”

Johnny pauses and considers her words carefully before he speaks.

“Can’t I have two mummies?” he asks, a look of confusion on his face. 

“Of course you can. But you know, mummy is a special word and because you grew in your mummy’s belly, I think you should save that word for just her.”

He nods, thoughtful once more.

“Are there other words that mean mummy?” he asks eventually.

Chas is grinning madly at the two of them. She knows her cousin has taken some serious flack for her parenting skills over the years. It’s practically a running joke. At moments like this, though, she is reminded of just how fiercely Charity adores her kids and makes a mental note to point that out the next time someone tries to slate her.

“You could call Charity Mummy C and your mummy can still be mummy?” she suggests.

Johnny looks up at Charity for reassurance and she smiles back at him, nodding.

“Okay, you’re Mummy C, and mummy is Mummy.”

Seemingly happy with his decision, he settles back into Charity’s lap and begins picking out the chocolate chips of his muffin, eating them methodically, one at a time. Next to them, on the couch, Moses is grinning and covered in chocolate.

Charity can feel tears prickling at the corner of her eyes, but for the first time in weeks, they are happy tears. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was just after six when Charity and the boys made their way home to Jacob’s Fold.

After coffee with Chas, they had grabbed a bite to eat in the Woolpack so that she wouldn’t have to worry about cooking when they got home. They’d picked up take away fish and chips for Noah and Sarah and Luke had managed to whip up a soup for Vanessa, even though it wasn’t on his pretty limited menu.

The boys, with full bellies and spent energy, were calmer now and even Moses held her hand for the entire walk back.

Opening the front door, the first thing that Charity saw was Noah, bent over the kitchen sink with his hands actually IN the water and a pile of freshly washed dishes in the rack. She looked around the room quickly, certain that she must have walked into the wrong house or slipped into some kind of alternate universe. Noah had never voluntarily done the dishes before, not without the promise of financial reward.

Hearing them come in, Noah span around, soapy bubbles flying from his fingertips. He placed a finger on his lips and pointed to the sofa.

“Shhh,” he hissed.

Following the direction of his finger, Charity smiled to see a Vanessa shaped bundle of blankets on the sofa. Gathering the smaller boys to her sides, Charity crouched down between them.

“Listen boys, why don’t you guys go and play in your room for a bit? I’ll be up in a bit to run your bath.”

Both boys smiled widely. She didn’t often get to do the bath and bed routine because more often than not, she would be working. To compensate, she often got a little bit carried away with herself, much to the boys’ enjoyment and Vanessa’s annoyance. In fact, most of the time, when she’d got the boys a little too hyped up, Vanessa would have to come in and take over just to get them to go to sleep.

“Mummy C, can we have lots of bubbles and play pirates with beards?” Johnny asked, tugging at her hand.

“Not tonight baba, no, we need to be quiet tonight so Mummy can rest don’t we?”

Johnny looked over at the couch and frowned.

“Mummy’s always tired, and sad,” he sulked, sticking his bottom lip out and folding his arms. Charity felt the weight of his words in her chest, as though someone had knocked the wind right out of her. Of course Johnny had noticed. He was often so quiet that it was easy to assume he was clueless about things, not like Moses who would gladly blurt out your secrets to a captive audience. Just that evening in the pub, Chas had made a comment about her being sarky and Moses had piped up,

“Ness says Mummy is always sarky when she has her period. What’s a period Aunty Chas?”

Charity had nearly choked on her orange juice then and Chas had pretended that she needed to go and change a barrel but they could all hear her roaring with laughter as soon as she’d closed the cellar door behind her. To make matters worse, Jai had been sat nearby and had felt it was his duty to share his opinion on the matter.

“Pretty sure your mum always has her period Moses, whatever it is!”

She had shot him her infamous death stare then and he’d held his hands up in surrender before returning to nurse his pint.

There was never a chance that Moses would keep something secret, but Charity realised, as she looked at Johnny’s sad face, that that wasn’t always a bad thing. With Johnny, you never really knew what he was taking in and noticing and that often meant a lot of guess work when he was acting out of sorts or upset about something.

“Listen Johnnybobs, sometimes people just get tired and sad. Mummy’s been helping all the baby lambs in the dales get born hasn’t she? She needs lots of rest to look after all the new baby animals.”

It wasn’t a complete lie – Ness had been working her butt off lately, and it had taken its toll on her. Usually being outdoors on the farms all day had the opposite effect. Charity had never really known anyone who loved their job as much as Vanessa did. In the beginning of the relationship, she’d humoured her by listening to all the stories about the animals she’d helped that day, not really interested but not wanting to hurt her feelings by saying so. Somewhere along the way though, she had found herself looking forward to Vanessa’s stories. Adored how animated and excited she was after doing a complex but life-saving surgery on a cow. Mesmerised by the way her eyes shone and how she exaggerated everything with wild hand gestures.

Now, a long day at work means she’s in bed before the kids most nights and there’s never enough energy left for stories.

Noah, who had been silently watching while drying his hands on a tea towel, could see that his mum was on the verge of tears.

“Hey little bro,” he said, nudging Johnny gently with his elbow. “Do you and Moses want to watch Toy Story in my room?”

Johnny’s eyes lit up as he nodded eagerly, all thoughts about tired and sad mummy’s forgotten temporarily.

“To infinity and beyond!” he yells as he charges up the stairs. Noah follows closely but meets Charity’s eyes briefly before he disappears out of sight. He offers her a smile and a look that she assumes is meant to be reassuring in some way. After Noah’s initial wobble the day before when he’d panicked over the prospect of Vanessa dying, he had resolved to be more positive, especially since it was obvious that his Mum and Ness were terrified enough without him adding to their anxiety.

Left alone with a sleeping Vanessa, Charity allowed herself a minute to cry. She’d never been a crier. Usually she only cried when she was angry and those tears were extremely inconvenient. Whenever she had felt sadness like this before though, she had always chosen to do something reckless – namely drink herself into oblivion – rather than sit down and simply feel it.

Feelings were messy things. They complicated everything and almost always led to some sort of heart break. It had taken a while, but Vanessa had finally cracked Charity code. She had studied each of the bricks that made each of the walls that Charity had built around herself and then simply began removing them, one by one, until she could crawl inside and love her. It had been unbearable at times – being so exposed – and it had taken even longer for Charity to realise that Vanessa wasn’t exposing her to find some advantage over her.

No. Vanessa simply wanted to see the real her. The ‘her’ she had buried so deep inside of herself that even she had forgotten who that person was. But Vanessa had found her and loved her and held onto her through the dark times and the good times. For once, Charity had felt safe and protected and loved with another human being and had even dared to let herself believe that she could have this love forever.

As she drops down from the increasingly uncomfortable crouching position, she stares down at her hands. She stares at the ring finger of her left hand and finds herself sobbing because it is empty.

The absent ring reminds her of how close they had come to their happily ever after and how cruelly that had been snatched away, by Graham, by Pierce, by cancer. Charity had been ready to promise Vanessa the world that day. Had wanted nothing more than to become Vanessa’s wife. When Ryan had apologised for ruining the day for her, she’d scoffed and said that it didn’t matter – that she could get married any time.

If only it were that simple.

“Why are you sitting on the floor and crying Charity?”

Charity turns and sees that Vanessa is awake, her chin nestled on top of the scatter cushions, her piecing blue eyes gazing at her intently.

Wiping the tears from her face, Charity laughs. It is hollow and sad, but she hopes Vanessa won’t notice. Climbing to her feet, she moves to the couch and motions for Vanessa to move her legs so that she can get under the blanket and sit down.

Vanessa grimaces as she lifts her legs. As soon as Charity is settled, she returns her legs to their original position, resting her feet on Charity’s lap.

Charity looked at her thoughtfully. She wasn’t going to admit that she’d been panicking over Vanessa’s mortality. That was not what Vanessa needed to hear when her surgery was just days away. So not for the first time that day, Charity bends the truth slightly.

“I’m just being rubbish babe. Johnny said something today that’s turned me into a blubbering mess.”

Vanessa looks suddenly concerned. Like Charity, she’s noticed the changes in her little boy.

“Has he mentioned Pierce?” she asks.

“No, nothing like that babe.” Charity places a hand on Vanessa’s thigh and squeezes gently, trying to reassure her.

“But he did call me mummy today… quite a few times in fact,”

The worry seems to evaporate immediately from Vanessa’s face. The crinkle around her eyes smooths out and the smile that she offers Charity almost reaches her eyes.

“What did you say to him?”

“Well, I told him that you were his mummy because you carried him in your belly and that he would need a different name for me. Chas suggested Mummy C and he kind of loved it. So we can blame Chas for that one, or her baby brain, or both…”

She allowed her thoughts to trail off as she glanced over at Vanessa, finding her deep in thought, her expression unreadable.

“Is it okay that he wants to call me Mummy too? I mean, we can sit him down and explain otherwise if you want…”

Jolted from her thoughts, Vanessa’s eyes meet hers and she shakes her head.

“No, no explaining, you ARE his mum Charity, in every way that matters,” she insists.

“Are you sure?”

Vanessa smiles then.

“Of course I’m sure. He might not have your genes, but he feels safe with you. You play with him, read him bed time stories, cuddle him when he’s scared, help him put his socks on and it was you who taught him how to tie his shoes, you…”

Vanessa’s voice breaks then and Charity realises she’s crying.

“Babe…” she murmurs, reaching out and wrapping Vanessa tightly in her arms. She feels the quiet sobs shaking her tiny frame as she buries her face into the curve of Charity’s neck. Bringing a hand to her face, Charity gently thumbs away the tears before pushing some of her sleep-wild hair behind her ear.

“What is it Ness?” she mumbles into her hair.

Taking a deep breath, Vanessa pulls back slightly so she can look at Charity, her eyes as blue as the ocean, deep and dangerous.

“I’m sorry. I’m happy that Johnny wants to call you mummy too, I really am. It’s just… I’ve been worrying so much about what would happen to Johnny if the worst should happen…”

“Babe, you’re not going anywhere…” Charity interrupts. It has become a reflex of sorts. She can no more listen to Vanessa talk about death than she can hold her hand in a flame. She pulls away slightly.

“Don’t Charity… let me finish…” she insists, holding a finger to Charity’s lips, pleading with her.

“I just mean that I don’t think I have to worry as much now. I thought I was the only family Johnny had, but I was wrong… wasn’t I?”

The question was hopeful but loaded with fear.

“Of course you were, Johnny is as much mine as Moses and Noah are… in fact, he has the unique advantage of being the only kid I’ve never abandoned, and I swear to you Ness, I never will... poor kid,”

Vanessa’s brow crinkles when Charity can’t seem to help but put herself down. It had taken Vanessa two years to convince Charity that she wasn’t a rubbish mum, but after decades of being made to feel like the worst mum in the universe, it often didn’t take much for that fragile self-esteem she had built up to come tumbling down.

“Charity, if you are all Johnny has for the rest of his life, I think he’ll be the luckiest boy in the world,”

“Really?” Charity asks, her eyes wide with disbelief. After the monumental mistakes she had made with her own children, it was incomprehensible to her that another person would actually trust her to parent their child. But then again, she thought, she had never loved someone else’s child even half as much as she adored Johnny.

“Really!” Vanessa exclaimed, her voice steady and unwavering. Bringing her hands to Charity’s face, she forces Charity to look at her. Vanessa’s eyes tell Charity everything that she needs to know.

Letting her hands slide behind Charity’s neck, Vanessa pulls her forward into a soft but insistent kiss before pulling away, her face contorted once more with worry and fear.

“There’s just one problem though…” she mumbles.

“What?” Charity asks.

“Kirin…”

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on twitter at @SeraBee_Vanity


End file.
